Sometimes I think i grew up too fast....

I'm boring. I hate my life right now. It's soooo boring. I feel like I'm a 40 year old soccer mom that runs errands on the weekends and is in bed by 11 instead of going out to the fucking club getting wasted off my ass ans passing out sometime around 4 or 5 am. I miss that. When Sheri and I were really close, it was like a weekly thing. Pretty much every weekend we were in Canada or something getting trashed and dancing at clubs and everything. That was fun. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not supposed to be working full time at a crappy job and going to night school. I should be working part time at some stupid retail store somewhere and going to school during the day and partying all night with my friends. I want to be a normal college student, have my classes during the day, work a couple nights a week, and party all the time. I'm so bored. I want to do fun and exciting things. Doesnt have to be elaborate, I just want to let go and have a good time.

My new years resolution... have fun!!! I want my friends back!! I dont care anymore about money, work, chores, nothing. I just want my girls back and to have at least one night a week where I dont have to care and just go out and have fun, the way we used to.

My job sucks ass!!!! I can stress that enough. I dont get paid shit and I totally deserve to be paid way more than i do. And I can tell you right now why i havent had a raise. we constantly give out free shit to these fucking stupid ass patient cus we cant say no. blah blah blah what the fuck ever. I am going to start saying no, you can fucking pay for it if you need it. I guess you shouldnt use 12 4x4's per wound you have then you would fucking run out of supplies before your reorder date you stupid ass poor piece of shit. yep thats what I'm gunna say.

Woo, I cant wait for my weekend of boringness.

So I found out that I'm not the only one that feels wrong when someone tells me merry christmas @ a store, it's like, you're supposed to say happy holidays. ha what if i was jewish? Chris feels the same way, lol.

Christmas was good, I got lots of nice things. My favorite things were what Chris got me. He bought me a sweet new camera bag, love it!!! i wanted that one really bad and i thought my mom was going to buy it for me, but Chris did, lol. He also got me a ring!! It's silver with 2 hearts with diamonds in the middle and some on the sides. it's really cute and I love it. I got some clothes and stuff from other people in the fam. all in all i'm pretty happy with everything. O and my grandma got me the sweetest new sunglasses. i love them, i was wearing them all night, lol.

Well, i officially think the only real friends i have in my life are jamie and chris. and no offense they dont count, jamie's my cousin and chris is my boyfriend. they're people i hang out with and i love, but they arent like girl-friends that are my age. Sheri and I used to be real close but for whatever reason we arent at all anymore, it's rare that we talk once a week, its more like once every 2-3 weeks. i tried, i call her, but she never calls me, so i'm just going to give up. and Ashley, wow i've known her for 15 years, and do you think she could ever call me? nope and i read all this shit about her true friends and how she has none and whatever, uh hello, right here, maybe if you called me to hang out every once in a while.. whatever i just dont care anymore. if you people want to be friends with me, it's your turn, im fucking done trying. i'll just hang out with my mom chris and jamie like i do now. it's working fine for me.

So i have decided that I am going to ask for a raise. I make 9 dollars an hour. 9. I have been here for 2 years and I am 10 times better, maybe more, at my job then the rest of the people in my department. I have excellent numbers and everything so it is time that they pay me what i deserve. i make way less than everyone else in my dept and it drives me crazy. so i am going to ask, i'm very nervous about it and not really sure when i'm going to do it, but i will do it.

I went from having like no plans for news years, to having a shit load to do. I am watching the hockey game at my house with family and family friends and chris, then after that chris and i are going to his house for a party, and nate invited me to his house for a party. lol i think im going to have to skip nate's, maybe next time.

That's about it. I dont think I have anything else to say. Just wanted to talk about Christmas and get some other things off my chest.

Merry Christmas, hope everyone's was great!!

So I am totally going vegetarian. I am reading this book called Skinny Bitch, it's basically one of those motivational things that try to make you be healthier, cuz lets face it i need to drop some pounds. well anyway, in the book it tells about how horribly these poor animals are treated and the pesticides that are used on them and all the poison we end up eating because of it!! omg my mom and i are seroiusly going to try this vegetarian thing. it cant hurt.

I had an amazing weekend! I went up north with Chris and my Gramma, I visited my Dad for the first time in forever, and I just had an all around nice relaxing weekend.... That is until I got home.

I dont know what the deal is but my mom and I have been fighting constantly. Whatever though. I dont even care cuz all she does is bitch and complain so i try to stay away from her so I dont have to hear that shit.

So yep thats it. I dont have much to say, other than I wish I was still up north because it was so nice and so pretty and i just didnt want to leave.

My job makes me want to kill myself. I love how they think that we are capable of doing sooooooooo many things, we arent. One of the girls in my dept. got fired recently so the rest of us had to pick up the slack, plus managment thinks we can still do all these other stupid little projects, whatever. Aaaaannnddd this fat bitch that I work with hit my car the other day and broke the passangers side mirror off....ooooo i was sooooo pissed. Whatever, she's paying for it.

I'm going up north this weekend and that makes me really happy. I need to get away from the real world for awhile before I go crazy.

Today's not a good day...........

i cant sleep. but i really need to since i have to get up early for work tomorrow. i dont want to work. weekends are not long enough.

this weekend was good. chris and i went to the bar to meet up with his family since his cousin katie is moving to LA in the next week or so and plus bob and keri's engagment.

saturday we went to ghetto dearborn and some of detroit to take photos, then we went to these rail road tracks by my house to get some good grafiti shots and guess what! there was a stopped train. a dream come true for me. i have wanted for so long to photograph grafiti on train and this train was awesome. i was very happy. after that chris and i had a nice date. we went to red robin for dinner then went and saw the simpsons movie, it was funny. i enjoyed it.

today my mom and i did some shopping, i got a lot of cool stuff. dont feel like going into all of it though.

all in all it was a good weekend.

o and about this not sleeping thing. i think i'm so used to chris being around that i cant really sleep without him. we have spent pretty much the past 2 weeks together and i am so used to him being around and falling asleep with his arm around me that now that he's not here i cant sleep. boo boys, i think they have super powers over girls that they dont even know they have. lol. i love that boy so much. he's stuck with me for awhile =o)

hopefully i'll get to sleep soon.

Last night was a good night. Chris came over and I made him dinner and what was supposed to be a nice dessert, but I didnt turn out the way it should have. o well, all in all the night was a lot better than monday when he came over for dinner, that night was a mess, but i wont got there cuz it's over and done with and everything is all good now. Chris ended up staying the night, which makes me happy, cuz i really dont like being alone, it's kinda creepy. he was soo cute this morning when i woke him up to move is car when i had to leave... awww i love him. i sleep better when he's around. i guess i'm still not used to being home from myrtle beach and sleeping alone. the nights he stayed over, i slept better than the others. weird.

So i think this weekend sometime I am going to go to the mall and apply for a new job. i am just going to apply at a bunch of stores and whatever. ya know, i would really hate to have to work nights and weekends, but I guess right now, anything would be better than what I am doing. I wish I could find a Mon - Fri 9-5 job that paid well and was close to school so I wouldnt have to leave work early. But things dont work out that way. I look online almost everyday for job postings in the area to see if there is anything good. Usually it's either too far away, not enough money, or shitty hours. the economy seriously sucks. maybe if i made more money here at mystic i wouldnt have such a huge problem with the place. I only make $9 an hour, and the only reason that make me so mad is because i work harder and better than most in my department, i make the least mistakes, yet all i get is a pat on the back. I know they cant afford to give out raises, but you know, something would be nice. i tell you what, if i'm here long enough for the next time raises come around, i better get something good or I am leaving right then and there.

So my mom and ed come home tomorrow. But when I talked to her yesterday she wasnt sure if they were going to be home in the afternoon or evening. well Chris' cousin is moving to california soon and their family is all going out tomorrow @ like 7 for a going away thing. Chris' asked me to go. Well as of right now, I am going to have to come home after work. let the dog out. get ready then drive all the way back out to Chris' house. No big deal, hopefully my mom and ed will get home before i leave work so that way I wont have to go home. wishful thinking.

So school starts the first week in september. i still dont know about my financial aid and my payment is due like aug 17 or something. i think i am going to call them soon to see how long this takes. i dont want to lose the classes i registered for. i have a class on tuesday nights which i cool cuz i wont have to go to the monthly csr meetings at work ha!

speaking of work, i should probably do some of that.

Maybe you'll be next Melissa....

That's what a co-worker said to me after Keri came into work to show everyone that her and Bob got engaged last night.

Ha, I'm not getting married for a long time. There's too much that needs to be done before I can even think about that stuff. Bob and Keri are in their late 20's. I think thats a good age. I was to be able to live and expeience everything I can before I have settle down. I mean what girl doesnt think about her wedding day and everything that she wants it to be. But that doenst mean you have to get married right away.

I have all these friends that I went to high school with that up and got married right after high school. they're soooo young. they didnt experience anything. they all had kids right away. how you you go from being tied down my parents school and age restrictions, to being tied down by a husband and some brats running around. i dont understand it. they never got to do anything. just get up and go, wherever, maybe not even have a destination. i think you hnestly have to experience things on your own before you are ready to build a life with someone else and raise another. so like i said, Bob and Keri had the right idea. even though keri was waiting forever.

so enough with that. just had to get that off my chest.

Myrtle beach was fun. it was really hard to leave. i wanted to stay. and now that i'm home, i hate more than ever. i hate my job, my boring life, my house. i want a new job. one that is super easy that doesnt make me feel like i was to shoot myself. my life, about the onnly good thing in it right now is Chris. my friends are never around, i have to put forth a huge effort to hang out with them, and to be honest, it's not even worth it sometimes, why cant anyone call me and say, hey let's hang out. i always make the plans. yea they all say, oo i miss you we need to hang out soon. just gimme the time and place. i dont have anything better going on right at the moment. school doenst start til septemeber. as for my house, i dont think i'll go there since people read this and then get all pissy when i express how i feel. i'll just say that some months i feel like i am being smothered and others i feel like no one cares if i'm there or not.

back to myrtle beach, so we had a good time. good weather and all which i was worried about since the weather said it was supposed to rain everyday. it only rained one day. it was nice. we went to the beach everyday, did some shopping and what not. all in all it was a good time.
Chris and I got along really well the whole time. it's really easy to be with him. there's really no work involved which is really nice. people always say that relationships are a lot of hard work, really? well then i think those people are in the wrong kind of relationships. we just go great together, and he makes me happy. and i think i'm the one thats gunna break his "2 year curse"!!! haha we'll see.